Job Application

Some gems from job applications... do read the comments.

============================================================================ Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of.

============================================================================ Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my commuter skills."

I think we can oblige.

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Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."

Sounds uncomfortable.


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Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."

We can hardly wait.

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Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."


We'll try not to let it go to our heads.


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Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."

Good luck with that.


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Experience: "10 years of experience in financail budgiting and transactions rigistering."


But limited experience with the spell-check function.

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Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."


If you insist.


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Cover letter: "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption."

Yum.

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Skills: "Grate communication skills."

Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?

============================================================================ Experience:

"Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."


Seems kind of harsh


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Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."



Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?


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Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."


Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?

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Education: "B.A. in Loberal Arts."


Did you minor in ear piercing?

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Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appalling to employers."

We're pretty shocked already ...


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Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."


Glad to hear it.


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Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.

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Cover letter: "Experienced in all faucets of accounting."

That should help with the flow of information